The Bathroom: A Parent’s Escape?

Do you remember when the bathroom use to be a place where you could get away from the all the world’s problems? A nice quiet bubble bath, a hot shower, perhaps catch up on some reading while sitting on your throne.  If this all sounds nostalgic to you, then you must have young children.  Because all of that is a thing of the past!

If you don’t have children yet let me prepare you for what is to come:

  1. Prepare to have an audience. Yes, an audience.  If you have any stage fright issues when it comes to going to the bathroom get over it.  Because all eyes will be on you.
  2. Being stalked. Yes, prepare to be stalked into the bathroom by your little one.  You and  your little shadow will arrive at the same time and sometimes they even like to jump on the toilet before you get a chance and pee all over the seat.
  3. Shouting thru doors. If you can actually make it to the bathroom alone and are able to shut the door (and lock it if you are lucky enough to have a lock on the bathroom door) the next thing you will hear is shouting.  All sorts of questions and whining will ensue.  Conversations usually consist of a lot of “Whats?” and  other miscommunication.
  4. Hands and other objects under doors. If you ever had bad dreams of someone trying to get to you thru a door by putting their hands under the door then parenthood could be scary.  Not only will you see hands appear out of no where, but sometimes other objects such as toy swords and anything else that can be slid under there will show up.
  5. Cold showers.  This could happen because of a couple reasons.  One, your kids will constantly be opening either the bathroom door or the shower door letting in cold air.  Or two, you have a daughter who likes to take multiple hot baths each day leaving you with no hot water.  Of course one thing you get good at as a parent is taking very quick showers!
  6. Injury by Bath Toy.  At one point or another in your time as a parent you will get injured by a bath toy.  They are laying around everywhere and more than likely you will step on it and it will hurt like hell.
  7. Wet Floors. Get use to it.  Either the kids will have flooded the floor during their bath by splashing around or when they jump out of the tub dripping wet getting water everywhere.  This is especially frustrating when you stroll into the bathroom with socks on and they get soaked.  Wet socks are the worse!
  8. Early Christmas Presents. Kids like to leave little presents in the toilet to their parents to show their love.  Or at least that’s how I like to think of them.  My kids excuse for not flushing their poop is that the sound of the toilet scares them.  Really?

So, is this little list birth control enough or do you still want to have kids?  Either way, at least now you know what you are in for! Good luck!

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